"[My relationships were] like I was in these movies where the script was only half-written. When I’d get to the end of this half-script, the other actors wanted me to ad lib. But I had never gotten the hang of that. That’s why these movies were always box-office failures. Six of them in the past twenty years. I always blew the lines." ~ from my horrible first novel "Learn How To Pretend." (unpublished)(obviously)

Sunday, June 30, 2013


I'm sitting in a hotel room in Fort Collins, Colorado. My fiancée and I have come up here to look at a home -- to put an offer on it if we can. 

We love it here. The air is fresh, the people friendly, the skyline devoid of signs and billboards. To move our family here would be, we think, a positive change. 

A positive one. So why is this so damned hard? Is the Universe fighting against us? Is the change we are supposed to be going through one of acceptance of where we were? Did we need to learn the lesson of satisfaction first?

Don't get me wrong. We don't think this is going to be a magic cure-all. But trying to raise our children in a better environment sure can't be wrong.

Today we are heading back to Albuquerque. We did make an offer on a place yesterday. The owner made a frustrating counter-offer. At noon today we'll call the realtor with our response. We put our best offer forward from the start. I don't want an angry negotiating battle from this. If that's what it will be, I don't want the place.

Even though I do want it.

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