"[My relationships were] like I was in these movies where the script was only half-written. When I’d get to the end of this half-script, the other actors wanted me to ad lib. But I had never gotten the hang of that. That’s why these movies were always box-office failures. Six of them in the past twenty years. I always blew the lines." ~ from my horrible first novel "Learn How To Pretend." (unpublished)(obviously)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


It's been a year of learning about impermanence for me and my family. So many shakeups. Today was a tough one as we said goodbye to our oldest dog, Deja. Putting her down was a tough decision, but it was for the best.

Things die. People die. Pets die. It's the way of things. Knowing that doesn't lessen the blow, I know, but it is a helpful reminder and makes facing our own mortality a little easier.

Deja is the black dog on the left. She was a sweetheart. She could be annoying with her barking, but overall she was well-behaved. I think she helped me to understand people better, including my son who has Aspergers. She helped me to get the idea of our reactions to things as evolutionary tools. As well I saw that we react out of fear. When my son does some of the things that can, honestly, piss me off, I get it now. He's responding in fear. "Something is different. Something is wrong. Stop it before it hurts me." That's all dogs are doing when they bark at the doorbell or the neighbor.

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