"[My relationships were] like I was in these movies where the script was only half-written. When I’d get to the end of this half-script, the other actors wanted me to ad lib. But I had never gotten the hang of that. That’s why these movies were always box-office failures. Six of them in the past twenty years. I always blew the lines." ~ from my horrible first novel "Learn How To Pretend." (unpublished)(obviously)

Wednesday, May 29, 2013


It's been a year of learning about impermanence for me and my family. So many shakeups. Today was a tough one as we said goodbye to our oldest dog, Deja. Putting her down was a tough decision, but it was for the best.

Things die. People die. Pets die. It's the way of things. Knowing that doesn't lessen the blow, I know, but it is a helpful reminder and makes facing our own mortality a little easier.

Deja is the black dog on the left. She was a sweetheart. She could be annoying with her barking, but overall she was well-behaved. I think she helped me to understand people better, including my son who has Aspergers. She helped me to get the idea of our reactions to things as evolutionary tools. As well I saw that we react out of fear. When my son does some of the things that can, honestly, piss me off, I get it now. He's responding in fear. "Something is different. Something is wrong. Stop it before it hurts me." That's all dogs are doing when they bark at the doorbell or the neighbor.

Monday, May 27, 2013



And I Quote: James Turrell

"We eat light, drink it in through our skins. With a little more exposure to light, you feel part of things physically. I like feeling the power of light and space physically because then you can order it materially. Seeing is a very sensuous act - there's a sweet deliciousness to feeling yourself see something."
 - James Turrell

And I Quote: C.S. Lewis

“The process of living seems to consist in coming to realize truths so ancient and simple that, if stated, they sound like barren platitudes.” 
–C.S. Lewis

Don't follow the herd

Zen, Mindfulness, and Depression

I wanted to recommend two resources for those working with depression and who may be of a Buddhist bent -- though that part doesn't really matter. The only obstacle would b e if you were fervently anti-that persuasion.

The first source is an audiobook from Sounds True titled The Mindful Way Through Depression.

The first section discusses depression, it's sources, and some recent findings on recurrence and alleviation. The remainder is a selection of guided meditations by Renowned Buddhist psychologist Jon Kabat Zinn. This has been a very useful and helpful book for me in dealing with my depressive times. Even just listening to the introduction has made me feel less alone and different in my suffering.

The next is Phillip Martin's The Zen Path Through Depression. It features short chapters on a variety of depression-related issues such as Pain, Death, Fear, Doubt, etc., along with helpful meditation ideas. I got it as an e-book on sale for a couple of bucks and it would easily be worth the full retail price.

Three other books I'd like to mention are ones I've been reading concurrently with the above have likewise worked well in reinforcing the ideas of mindfulness as a path through depression -- and even as a tool to help reshape the brain to avoid future bouts. These would be Thich Nhat Hanh's Peace is Every Step, Charlotte Joko Beck's Everyday Zen, and Mark Nepo's awesome daily devotional, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. I don't read them all every day, but at least one or two. they usually sync up and give me insight and reminders for the day.

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Glazed Image

Glaze turns your photos into paintings with your unique style.

What it's like....

This story from the Hyperbole and a Half website gives a great sense of what depression feels like, and the frustrations that we sufferers feel when we are in the pit of despair and people try to solve our problem. It's a bit long, so be sure you have the time to take to absorb it fully.

Sunday, May 05, 2013

And I Quote ~ Dana Scully

"Nothing happens in contradiction to nature; only in contradiction to what we know of it. So that's a place to start. That's where the hope is."
~Agent Dana Scully, FBI

Wednesday, May 01, 2013


What it means

And I Quote ~ Fox Mulder

We are but visitors on this rock, hurtling through time and space at 66,000 miles an hour. Tethered to a burning sphere by an invisible force in an unfathomable universe. This most of us take for granted, while refusing to believe these forces have any more effect on us than a butterfly beating it's wings halfway around the world. 
~ Special Agent Fox Mulder, FBI